February 1st

Trying to analyze one’s life can be complicated. Looking at every single thing you do and figuring out if it is positive or not is not as easy as it may seem. Something I do may feel positive to me but in turn can have a negative effect on someone else. For example trying to help someone deal with whatever problem they have could in turn hinder them from becoming the strong person they need to learn to be on their own. Who is to really say one way or the other?

Every single day I evaluate everything. I contemplate whether things are positive or negative. Of course I take what I assume is the positive option. Looking back, there are times when I thought I was helping and actually found it hurt someone else. Now I find myself trying to look at things from different perspectives before I proceed. Some may think it is taking it a bit further than necessary but I feel it is needed.

I am doing my best to be there for my family, do what is right for them and also do what is right for me. I know I put others first more often than I care to admit. Do not get me wrong it is not a bad thing that you put others before you but it is a bad thing if you *always* do it. That is something I am most definitely working on changing. I will never become a selfish person but I am working on learning to put myself first sometimes. Do something special for me for a change. It is not as easy as it sounds. For those of you who tend to put others needs ahead of your own, you know exactly what I mean.

I want others to see me as a nice, caring and reliable person. Most would love for others to view them that way. I also want to be someone who treats themselves with that same respect. I want to be nicer to myself, care for my well being, I want to be able to rely on myself too. In the past I have put myself through so many obstacle courses, tried jumping through so many hoops, and at times have taken the wrong path knowingly. No more, this change has been gradually setting in over the years. Now I am just more focused on making sure it changes completely for the better.

My eyes are wide open and I am taking in the view from all angles. I am noticing every aspect. Changing everything would be ridiculous and unnecessary. Some things have no need for change. Those other things that definitely require change, will in fact be changed….sooner rather than later.