Feb 3rd

Since I decided to make changes, I have noticed as I change more and more, little things just seem to be going rather well. Better than expected. I feel as if I smile more and sometimes even laugh more. Taking care of one’s self feels really good. It amazes me.

We have gone to the Gym twice so far this week. We spend about 1 ½ hours there when we go. Our plan is to go 3x a week. So far we are right on track. It has been so long since I had actually gone and worked out in a gym. I like it. I cannot wait till I get into better shape. I am sure it will take some time, a lot of hard work and of course the willpower to make it happen. I am willing to put forth the effort.

It is strange how making one decision can have such an effect on a person’s life. I made the choice to change things in a positive way and since then the changes I have made have truly touched my life in so many different ways. Going to the gym has helped me feel better physically, emotionally and over all just feel better about myself. Being more positive has helped. I think I just get along better with those around me.

I never doubted I was a strong person. With all the trials and tribulations I have faced during my life have helped me to realize early on, I was not a weak person. Of course we all have weaknesses but being a weak person and having weaknesses are two very different things. I am thankful for every aspect of my past because it has all helped me become the person I am meant to be.

Now I am becoming an even stronger more positive person and it is strange because I have realized I can express my emotions a lot better and it is just easier to do so now. I know pain can cause depression if one allows it to. I know I allowed it to in the past. That is one of the major changes I have been working on. I do not want my pain to make me depressed. I want to be strong enough to express my emotions when in pain. Cry if I need to, talk about if I need to or just write about it.

As I have mentioned before this time of year is usually really hard for me. I have allowed it to be hard on me in the past. Today is a brand new day and I will be strong enough to deal with the pain. I am taking all the energy from the pain and using it positively. I can sit and cry when I am reminded of the day Mom passed, I can cry when the pain of missing her is too great to bear. I can smile when I remember to good times. I can just be thankful for the time we had with her and cherish every memory.

I sit back and know even after she is gone she still inspires me to be a better person by doing the right thing even if it is the hardest thing to do….Sometimes the right thing to do is just to make a few changes...