Feb 23rd
Wow how time flies. Who would have thought, making positive changes would be so time consuming. Monday thru Friday I work. After work I spend time with my family. Tuesdays and Thursdays we go to the gym. Wednesday is still family night and we get pizza for the boys. Watch a movie and just hang out. Last week JC had to work for Valentine’s Day. We had to spread our alone time over a few days. I use to look forward to Valentine’s Day, but not so much anymore.
I tried to continue writing in this blog every day. As much as I would like to say this month is going by without a hitch, but that would be a lie. The strange thing is now paying close attention to the last entry and today’s date I am taken aback. It all makes so much sense to me. I am sure by the end of this entry it will make sense to you as well.
6 years ago in the midnight hour of February 4th my Mom was out of town visiting some family. She was awoken by an excruciating headache. By 1am she had woken almost the whole house with her cries of pain. Unsure of what to do my Aunt called 911 as they waited for the ambulance my family tried to comfort her. The only thing that seemed to calm her down was when they woke up my Daughter and brought her in to see Mom. When she gazed upon her only Granddaughter her pain seemed to seize a bit. Or just maybe she did not want to frighten her being that she was only 13 years of age.
When the ambulance arrived and started taking vitals and checking for symptoms it was said they were concerned with her retinas reaction to light. They felt it was best to take her by ambulance to the ER. At first no one knew what was going on. The hospital was trying to contact Moms next of kin. Being that my grandmother lived very close by, they called her.
By the time I was notified that Mom was in the hospital it was already several hours later. I was in the process of moving and my phone had not been transferred to the new address yet. My Aunt had to get directions from my daughter to come find our new place (which is part of the reason I always have a cell phone now). I receive a knock on the door mid morning and I open it to find my Aunt with tears in her eyes telling me something happened to Mom and she was in the hospital and was possibly already in surgery. The surgery would take 8-10 hours so I should be able to be there before she comes out.
Needless to say my mind was racing. At first I wasn’t sure if there was an accident, I did not know if my daughter was okay or not. But then my Aunt stated something happened only to Mom. She had a headache and it got really bad. Later I was informed Mom had suffered a brain aneurysm. No one had any definite answers. Statistics were not very good and every medical case is different.
Mom came out of the surgery but was in a drug induced coma. There was so much going on within her brain the doctors felt it was best to keep her heavily sedated. They were having a hard time controlling her ICP (intracranial pressure) the 10th night in ICU Mom suffered 2 strokes. Both might as well have been massive with the damage they caused. 1 stroke attacked her whole right side of her brain and the other attacked 20% of the left which was the area where our motor skills are controlled. Nothing could be done.
The doctors stated due to the damage caused by the strokes her brain was swelling, they offered to aggressively remove the parts that were most damaged and no longer functional in order to keep her alive. As the doctors spoke my Brother and I stopped them. We told the doctors we were not going to put our Mom through anymore. Mom use to always make us promise if a machine had to keep her alive we would not be selfish, we would let her rest in peace.
So on the 11th day of her hospital stay we called all our family and gave them the option to come and pay their last respects. We had one request and the hospital obliged. We asked if we could all go in together. There were about 25 people present. They allowed it. We prayed for her stepped out of the room so they could disconnect the ventilation machine.
We were given the option to come back in after which most of us did. We all sat there with her and within about 20min she began her ever restful sleep. Services were held on February 22nd 2005. Mom was only 54 years old. She had 3 children and 7 grandchildren.
February has been a very difficult month for me ever since. Normally I do not handle it well at all. This year after Mom’s Birthday which would have been in January, I decided to make positive changes in my life. I decided to do my damndest to handle things more positively. For the most part it seems to be working. If I had been writing in the last two weeks I am not so sure if I could have remained as positive as I had been. Everything happens for a reason and something kept me from writing for a reason.
I will continue to search for a positive way to get through the ever lingering pain.
I love you Mom.....Then, Now & Always.... I love you!
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