January 18th 2012 HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

Today is a very special day, no matter the time and the place January 18^th will always be very special. It is a day that will touch my heart forever. One of thee most important people of my life was born on January 18^th. Although her physical body is no longer on this plane of existence, the memories of whom she was and what she was to me and everyone else who had the privilege of knowing her in life will continue on.

For many years Mom was there to hold me close. The very embrace of her calmed everything. She just had this way about her. She was known by all to have a heart of gold. She would give you the shirt off her own back if you needed it. Mom would give you the last dollar in her pocket without hesitation.

Mom raised my two brothers and I, most of the time on her own. I have always thought it takes a real special person to put aside the wrongs of a man to teach his children to love him anyway. I cared for my father and even forgave him for his wrong doings. Mom helped me do that. It all just made me love her that much more.

I cherish my every moment with her. Now I cherish ever memory I have of her. As long as I live I will never forget her and all she did for me. I am grateful to have had a wonderful mom and it is great that our relationship was nothing less than amazing. I find that I miss her more as time goes on.

There is a saying “It gets easier with time” or “time heals all” being a child of my Mom, I have to disagree. I am still learning to cope with life but it seems to get harder and the pain is deep and grows as every minute passes. I stay strong and continue on out of the love and respect I have for her. Even now she continues to help me.

A letter to Mom….

Hello Mom,

It feels like forever since the last time I looked into your eyes. I want you to know, you are one of the most beautiful people I have ever known. I miss you more than you could ever imagine. I do not mean to disrupt your rest. I just cannot hold back these tears that swell. As memories of you fill my head these tears must be shed. My life will never be as it once was, for this I weep. Every night I go to bed hoping to dream of you as I sleep. I yearn for just one more moment, just one more memory. I wake in the morning feeling lonely. I am sorry there are times I am not so strong. It has just been so very long. I hope I showed enough appreciation to you. If I didn’t I really meant to. It has been almost seven years. Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday. Other times it feels like an eternity since you have gone away. You have two beautiful great granddaughters. Often times I feel bad they will never have the privilege of feeling your love. Even though I know you will do so from above. There are so many things that have happened and that will happen that I wish you were here to share them with you. But, thanks to you I continue on. I do my best to make you proud even still. Some say I am silly and that it no longer matters but what they do not understand Mom, is that it matters to me. I know you, I know your heart. I know the words you would share with me for doing something that made you proud. In my mind I hear you saying those words and I feel your love in my heart. Every January 18^th I will continue to celebrate, because even though you are not here I love you and it is still a day worth celebrating because Mom it’s your Birthday.

Then, Now & Always I love You,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

January 16th 2012

Okay let me try this again. Last year I started this blog to make notes of positive changes I was going to make in 2011. Within a couple of months of eating better and exorcising things changed and they weren’t for the better. I started having health issues I had never dealt with before nor had any of my family members, so it became a very painful and difficult several months.

Mid March 2011 I started to feel pains in my abdominal area. First visit to the doctor, they thought it was an appendicitis and pancreatitis. After the poking and prodding I was in severe pain for several days. I was referred to a Gastroenterologist specialist and was given an appointment to have a cat-scan done. Within a couple of days I was in so much pain I ended up in the ER. Boy that was no fun. They ended up giving me the Cat-scan during my visit to the ER. Doctor said they were unable to see anything wrong but diagnosed me with having diverticulitis. He sent me home with a regimen of antibiotics and pain medications.

By the time I went to see the Gastroenterologist I was in even more pain. I was scheduled for an Endoscopy and a Colonoscopy. Boy was that the most fun I have had. Being that I had been on antibiotics the Gastroenterologist found nothing during my scan. He sent me on my merry way telling me to start a better diet and informed me of how important it is to exorcise. I tried on several occasions to explain that I was eating very good (good foods) and I had been going to the gym 3 days a week at least. He paid no attention to anything I was saying. I was infuriated, took my paperwork and walked away so wanting to say “thanks for nothing doc.” But I held my tongue.

Over the next several days the pains and abdominal issues worsened. I called the Gastroenterologist’s office. It was early morning while on my way to work. I ended up talking with the on-call doctor. After telling him what I was feeling and what was currently going on he simply stated “sounds like you have a case of IBS (irritable bowel syndrome).” I had to have him explain exactly what that was. Of course it is just a general diagnosis given to people with abdominal issues they have no specific name for. All I could say was “great”.

After my Gastroenterologist read the thoughts of the on-call doctor he concurred. In their eyes, that was that. By this point I am bloated, in pain and completely uncomfortable. I was told to just watch what I eat and to avoid foods that brought on pains or discomfort. I was given a list of things I should try to eat. It seemed to me the things they told me I should eat, made me feel worse than before. So I stopped eating what they said I should eat. I tried for months to find things that did not hit my stomach like a ton of bricks. It seemed to continue to happen every time I ate no matter what.

After several months of trying, I started to give up hope on finding foods that did not irritate my digestive tract. Late December I started feeling really bad pains again but this time it was different than before. It felt like heartburn, the pain was really bad and I just felt like my stomach wanted to explode. I made an appointment to see my primary physician again. I explained the symptoms I had been feeling, she looked at my medical chart and stated that it sounded like I had H-Pylori. Off to do labs I went, the next day I was diagnosed with having H-pylori.

I had to start a regimen with 3 different medications. Doctor said take them for 3 weeks and go back in to be retested. Being that she poked and prodded during my visit, my abdomen hurt really badly throughout the time I was taking the medications. I called to schedule an appointment to be retested and was told that I should be fine and there should be no reason to go back and get retested.

I had to explain to the nurse that I had been in pain since my last appointment and the pain only seems to get worse. I am unable to eat anything without my stomach hurting so she set me up with an appointment to come in. That night we went out to eat I ate a chicken sandwich, some fries and a chocolate frosty. Within an hour or so I was feeling so badly. The pain was almost unbearable. I literally felt as if my stomach wanted to explode. We almost ended up in the ER but I had an appointment scheduled for the next day so I decided to wait.

Went in and explained to the doctor what I was feeling. I am now being referred to another Gastroenterologist and a dietician as well. We mentioned to the doctor our concern that I just might be Gluten-Intolerant and it was almost like a light bulb went on. The doctor said it might be exactly that, I should try a gluten-free diet as I mentioned I was thinking of doing. Doctors hate when people self diagnose themselves yet there are times if we did not, they would never figure out what was wrong.

Here it has been almost a year since I started having abdominal issues and we tell the doctor what it could be. I have extracted gluten from my every day eating. It has only been 5 days and I can already tell a huge difference in how I feel. My stomach is no longer in pain, the inflammation is going down slowly and I don’t feel or look overly bloated anymore.

One of the saddest parts is I love bread of all sorts. Now I have to find alternatives. The worst part about it, is my doctor mentioned the gluten intolerance could have triggered the IBS and now since I have IBS and I am gluten-intolerant I have also found I am unable to digest lettuce. The thought of eating healthier by eating salads instead of items with breads or pasta went right out the darn window. I currently have a real fun time trying to find things I can eat. It is especially difficult when dining out. Once I get use to things I am sure it will be easier but for now it is just a real pain.